I have been contemplating what to do with this blog now that Dan has passed. It always seems so abrupt when the last post is someones death, because as we all know, the journey doesn't end there. While Dan is no longer physically on this earth, his spirit and memories continue to live on in all of us. And I believe that we will continue to see Dan's influence interlaced through the remainder of our lives. The title of our blog is Our Life….Interrupted, and it is still interrupted. Selfishly, as part of my own healing, I am going to keep this blog going for at least the next year. I can't say how often I will post, but I feel it's important to record this new interruption. Please feel free to continue to follow along in the journey with us.
For those of you who were not able to attend, Dan had a beautiful service last Friday. I so appreciate everyone who attended, and apologize if I was not able to visit with you. It was wonderful to see that Dan was so loved and well thought of. Thank you also to all those who sent flowers, and made donations to Young Life and the Boise Rescue Mission in his honor. For those in Minnesota, a service is still in the works, I am just awaiting the final details.
Many blessings to you all,
Jen
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Thursday, August 21, 2014
In Memory of Dan
When I was finalizing the schedule for Dan's funeral service on Friday I considered, for a brief moment, speaking at the service. I quickly came to my senses in that I will be much too emotional to speak in front of a group, and that the message of my love for my husband would be lost. So it is here that I give my eulogy to the amazing man I was blessed to call my husband and best friend.
Dan and I met on match.com; it has been fodder for many years amongst he and I. After speaking for a couple of weeks we realized that he was a regular member of the downtown YMCA, where I also worked. We likely had crossed paths before, but in the hustle of getting in and out, hadn't stopped to notice. I always believed we were destined to meet. Dan won me over with his kind spirit, infectious laugh, love for life, and the candy that he brought to me before each date…better than flowers! Ironically, it was a cancer scare with me that moved along our wedding plans. We realized that life could be short and what was the point of dragging out a long engagement?
The next few years were spent exploring…exploring by travel, exploring in melding two lives together, and exploring our faith. While I had always believed in God, I was not a student of the bible. Dan very much was. I was often in awe of the scripture he could recite or the passages he could reference off the top of his head. He loved the lord, and while he wasn't one to push or preach, he was always happy to share with someone interested. This was where I struggled. When Dan and I first married, I couldn't pray out loud with him. Even if no one else was in the room. I was self conscious. Dan was gentle and encouraging and over time praying together became a source of centering and support. His love for the Lord was demonstrated everyday.
Our life together was filled with adventure and fun. Dan was always on the move, wanting to share his love of all things outdoors. Once I was properly outfitted with all the correct gear, I grudgingly admitted that there could be joy and entertainment found in all four seasons. No adventure was bigger or more rewarding than becoming parents. The love and pride that radiated off Dan from the moment that Jack entered this world was unmatched, even by myself. For those of you who don't know-Jack was a horrible sleeper for about the first two years of his life. Dan would put him in the Baby Bjorn, wrap him in blankets and spend an endless amount of time walking around our neighborhood, all the while talking to him. As Jack grew, the experiences grew….swimming in the river, fishing, skiing, and even white water rafting. But Dan enjoyed the everyday things just as much. There was no hesitation in running through the sprinkler, or searching for bugs in the garden. Bath and story times were moments to be cherished. Never a day went by without telling Jack how proud he was of him.
When we received Dan's cancer diagnosis it was like a gut punch. How does this happen to a healthy 45 year old man? To add insult to injury, Dan faced the arduous task of having to relearn to walk as a side effect of his tumor surgery. Despite all the treatments, therapy sessions, and doctor's appointments, Dan never stopped fighting. His determination to live and continue to be a part of our world is beyond what anyone would have expected. What could have broken him, us, or our family, was handled with such grace and determination that only God himself could have bestowed. We traveled, rafted, entertained friends and family, and ate more dessert than is probably healthy. But most importantly, over the last 21 months, he lived. And we cherished every moment of it.
I feel so incredibly blessed to have spent the last 10 years with Dan. I know that I am forever changed by him, and I couldn't be more grateful. His love for me was unconditional and in this day that is all too rare of an occurrence. The loss of Dan is profound, sometimes suffocating. But I know, without question, that I will see him again someday in heaven. Like Dan, Jack has a very strong faith in God and we've had many conversations this week about daddy being with Jesus. He is certain that daddy is now an angel and I think he is probably right. And there is comfort, in knowing that Dan is watching over all of us….smiling that big grin with the dimples and basking in the light of the Lord.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
Psalm 91:11
Dan and I met on match.com; it has been fodder for many years amongst he and I. After speaking for a couple of weeks we realized that he was a regular member of the downtown YMCA, where I also worked. We likely had crossed paths before, but in the hustle of getting in and out, hadn't stopped to notice. I always believed we were destined to meet. Dan won me over with his kind spirit, infectious laugh, love for life, and the candy that he brought to me before each date…better than flowers! Ironically, it was a cancer scare with me that moved along our wedding plans. We realized that life could be short and what was the point of dragging out a long engagement?
The next few years were spent exploring…exploring by travel, exploring in melding two lives together, and exploring our faith. While I had always believed in God, I was not a student of the bible. Dan very much was. I was often in awe of the scripture he could recite or the passages he could reference off the top of his head. He loved the lord, and while he wasn't one to push or preach, he was always happy to share with someone interested. This was where I struggled. When Dan and I first married, I couldn't pray out loud with him. Even if no one else was in the room. I was self conscious. Dan was gentle and encouraging and over time praying together became a source of centering and support. His love for the Lord was demonstrated everyday.
Our life together was filled with adventure and fun. Dan was always on the move, wanting to share his love of all things outdoors. Once I was properly outfitted with all the correct gear, I grudgingly admitted that there could be joy and entertainment found in all four seasons. No adventure was bigger or more rewarding than becoming parents. The love and pride that radiated off Dan from the moment that Jack entered this world was unmatched, even by myself. For those of you who don't know-Jack was a horrible sleeper for about the first two years of his life. Dan would put him in the Baby Bjorn, wrap him in blankets and spend an endless amount of time walking around our neighborhood, all the while talking to him. As Jack grew, the experiences grew….swimming in the river, fishing, skiing, and even white water rafting. But Dan enjoyed the everyday things just as much. There was no hesitation in running through the sprinkler, or searching for bugs in the garden. Bath and story times were moments to be cherished. Never a day went by without telling Jack how proud he was of him.
When we received Dan's cancer diagnosis it was like a gut punch. How does this happen to a healthy 45 year old man? To add insult to injury, Dan faced the arduous task of having to relearn to walk as a side effect of his tumor surgery. Despite all the treatments, therapy sessions, and doctor's appointments, Dan never stopped fighting. His determination to live and continue to be a part of our world is beyond what anyone would have expected. What could have broken him, us, or our family, was handled with such grace and determination that only God himself could have bestowed. We traveled, rafted, entertained friends and family, and ate more dessert than is probably healthy. But most importantly, over the last 21 months, he lived. And we cherished every moment of it.
I feel so incredibly blessed to have spent the last 10 years with Dan. I know that I am forever changed by him, and I couldn't be more grateful. His love for me was unconditional and in this day that is all too rare of an occurrence. The loss of Dan is profound, sometimes suffocating. But I know, without question, that I will see him again someday in heaven. Like Dan, Jack has a very strong faith in God and we've had many conversations this week about daddy being with Jesus. He is certain that daddy is now an angel and I think he is probably right. And there is comfort, in knowing that Dan is watching over all of us….smiling that big grin with the dimples and basking in the light of the Lord.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
Psalm 91:11
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Funeral Service
Dan's funeral service will be held Friday, August 22 at 2pm at the Vineryard Boise church. The Vineyard is located at 4950 N. Bradley, off Chinden/50th Street. A reception will immediately follow at the church. Dan's burial will be private, for family only. Funeral arrangements are being handled by Accent Funeral Home in Meridian. I have added a link to their website below.
In lieu of flowers, you may donate to Young Life Southwest Idaho (an organization that Dan spent many years volunteering with and supporting) or the Boise Rescue Mission (Dan believed in their mission and strongly supported). There are links to both organizations through the funeral home's website. If you do feel inclined to send flowers and are looking for a florist, I have added the website of the florist handling the service flowers.
I am blessed that Dan and I had the time to prepare for this day, and were able to make all of his funeral and burial arrangements prior to his passing. It has taken a load off of me during this incredibly difficult time. Thank you all for your messages of love and support for Jack and I.
Accent Funeral Home
Hillcrest Floral
Young Life
Boise Rescue Mission
For those of you in Minnesota-Dan's mom, Freddie, will be planning a memorial service in Brainerd for sometime in the next couple of weeks. The details haven't been worked out yet, but once they are I will let you know. Jack and I are planning on attending. I'll keep you posted.
In lieu of flowers, you may donate to Young Life Southwest Idaho (an organization that Dan spent many years volunteering with and supporting) or the Boise Rescue Mission (Dan believed in their mission and strongly supported). There are links to both organizations through the funeral home's website. If you do feel inclined to send flowers and are looking for a florist, I have added the website of the florist handling the service flowers.
I am blessed that Dan and I had the time to prepare for this day, and were able to make all of his funeral and burial arrangements prior to his passing. It has taken a load off of me during this incredibly difficult time. Thank you all for your messages of love and support for Jack and I.
Accent Funeral Home
Hillcrest Floral
Young Life
Boise Rescue Mission
For those of you in Minnesota-Dan's mom, Freddie, will be planning a memorial service in Brainerd for sometime in the next couple of weeks. The details haven't been worked out yet, but once they are I will let you know. Jack and I are planning on attending. I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
An End To A Journey
Dan passed away at 5:20am this morning. It was quick and peaceful and I was blessed to have those last precious moments with him. I will be updating the blog in the next few days once we have finalized funeral arrangements.
Thank you all for your love and prayers-
Jen
Thank you all for your love and prayers-
Jen
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Just a quick update. We had to start Dan on morphine last night as he was uncomfortable and agitated. Once that took effect has was able to sleep more soundly. This afternoon the nurse came in to evaluate Dan and assist me with some care items. His oxygen levels dropped significantly over the past 24 hours and his heart rate has increased, which is normal in this situation. Her best estimate for his passing is in the next 24-48 hours. I'll keep you posted…..
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Heartbreaking
As I sit here writing this post, which I have been putting off for much of the day, I am watching over my beautiful husband in a hospital bed who is losing his battle with cancer. Over the past two months the hospice team has repeatedly told us that brain tumors/cancer in younger patients is hard to predict, but that they expected he'd be walking/talking one day and hit a wall the next. That is exactly what happened. In the past 3 days Dan has deteriorated from sleeping off and on, but still able to eat and have basic discussions to now bedridden and drifting in and out of consciousness. Today he has eaten and drank very little. Mentally, he isn't ready to give up the fight but his body is shutting down. When he wakes up briefly, the conversations are random and sometimes incoherent. He is no longer able to talk on the phone, respond to email, or text conversations. Our hospice nurse expects by the end of the week that he will be completely unresponsive and that it won't be much beyond that before he passes.
My heart just continues to break- over watching Dan deteriorate, over Jack losing his father, over me losing my best friend. Even with all the time that we have had to prepare, for which we are so grateful, I cannot fathom my life without him.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out, not only the past several days, but over the last 21 months of our journey. I appreciate all the prayers and kind words, and while I don't have the energy right now to respond back to everyone, please know that I am grateful. Dan, Jack, and I are beyond blessed to have such amazing friends and family to see us through this.
Please continue to pray for us and I will keep you updated over the next few days.
Much love,
Jen
My heart just continues to break- over watching Dan deteriorate, over Jack losing his father, over me losing my best friend. Even with all the time that we have had to prepare, for which we are so grateful, I cannot fathom my life without him.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out, not only the past several days, but over the last 21 months of our journey. I appreciate all the prayers and kind words, and while I don't have the energy right now to respond back to everyone, please know that I am grateful. Dan, Jack, and I are beyond blessed to have such amazing friends and family to see us through this.
Please continue to pray for us and I will keep you updated over the next few days.
Much love,
Jen
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Two Months and Counting
As I write this, Dan is resting in the comfy patio chair outside, taking advantage of an unusually mild August day in Boise. We have passed by the dreaded two month mark, and Dan is still fighting hard. He is still up and walking, but now with the assistance of a walker. The stiffness in his muscles and neuropathy in his legs and feet has gotten worse. He is still carefully navigating the stairs, but I don't think we are too far from putting the stair lift back in to use. This past week we've noticed a decrease in his energy level and the need to nap more. Right now they are still little cat-naps through the day, with a longer nap after lunch. He is still eating regularly, though not quite as much as before. Everything just seems to be slowing down a bit, which is what we knew was likely to happen.
With the new changes coming about, it brings us into a new grief period. Dan had been doing so well, bolstered by the increase in steroids. He was able to stay active and engaged and it is all too easy to get comfortable in the scenario, trying not to focus too much on what's ahead. But the slowing of Dan's body is a daily reminder that our time is limited and will all too quickly come to an end. The past two days Jack has been very focused on the idea that "daddy isn't going to be here very much longer" and I sometimes wonder if he senses more urgency than Dan and I are willing to accept. With Dan's condition, no one can give us a definite time line and we are left to wonder what the timing of the next phase will be. All we can do is take each day as it comes and pray for a peaceful end to Dan's journey when God decides it is time.
Thank you everyone for your love, support, and prayers-
Jen
With the new changes coming about, it brings us into a new grief period. Dan had been doing so well, bolstered by the increase in steroids. He was able to stay active and engaged and it is all too easy to get comfortable in the scenario, trying not to focus too much on what's ahead. But the slowing of Dan's body is a daily reminder that our time is limited and will all too quickly come to an end. The past two days Jack has been very focused on the idea that "daddy isn't going to be here very much longer" and I sometimes wonder if he senses more urgency than Dan and I are willing to accept. With Dan's condition, no one can give us a definite time line and we are left to wonder what the timing of the next phase will be. All we can do is take each day as it comes and pray for a peaceful end to Dan's journey when God decides it is time.
Thank you everyone for your love, support, and prayers-
Jen
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